Do I fear death? Sure. Do I fear life? That's a much more complicated question to answer. Let me put it this way:

I have switched majors three times. I have a list ten miles long of all the things in life I do not want to do. I get bored unbelievably fast. I like challenges but hate when things get tedious. I cannot handle a 9-5 work environment. I cannot stand a "businessman" personality. I cannot stand an "entrepreneur" personality. I cannot stand a "public relations" personality. I am disillusioned by the slow pace of scientific research. I could never work in computer science.

What is left? I like to play drums. I like to take pictures. I like the stock market. I like drugs and psychology and medical neuroscience. But what if I don't like these last three things professionally? Then what? What do I do after I've wasted the first thirty years of my life preparing to do something I cannot stand? Do I quit? Do I keep going? Do I focus on a hobby? What do I do?

I'm probably thinking too much. It's this damn book I'm reading. Making me worry about the future. But seriously! What do you do if you don't like the career path you choose? You switch, obviously, but at what expense? When do you decide? I should really stop thinking about hypotheticals. I might love my profession. I surely hope I do. But I'm afraid. Really afraid. I'm afraid of being alone. Afraid of being sad. Afraid of dreading five days of every week. Maybe it's irrational. Maybe it's rational. But it's all I know right now.

And I have a terrible track record with girls. I have almost no feelings whatsoever for just about all of them. Really. I try. I've tried. I will try. But almost every time, it's the same. I lose interest with almost no effort. And every once in a while there's a girl who just is not meant to be dated, either too immature or too wild to be tamed or something else. I see the challenge in her. I succeed and then, like clockwork, she fades. And I enter a pseudo-depression for a few days. And then I completely lose interest. Wash rinse repeat. Will I ever find a happy medium? Will I meet the girl who when she completes my sentences, it's not just for the thrill of the chase but rather because of genuine compatibility and interest? I know what it feels like to be on both the receiving and delivering side of the chase. I apologize to those I've wronged and I hope that those who have wronged me know that we weren't out to hurt each other, we're just inherently selfish. Everyone is, really. But will I ever find the right match? Am I really that much of a null set that compatibility is that impossible? Or is it that there are matches all around and I just don't realize? It shouldn't have to be like that, though. Shouldn't it? Statistics, man. They should be in all of our favors.