It hit me at 1:32 AM, January 2, 2011. I'm an adult. I am the same person, but I now long for a direction. Two people helped catalyze this:
1. You said I gave you something nobody else did. I didn't mean to do anything special at the time but if I really changed your life in the way that you said then that is changing me too (talk about meta). You said something about me that I need to prove to you. I don't believe it to be true and I won't until then.
2. I royally fucked you over this year and you made me miserable on hundreds of occasions, and yet, through a few paragraphs we found our way through. The time in which you made me the most miserable made me doubt our friendship but I feel in hindsight it was justified. This time changed me.
Pardon this following run-on sentence of partial bragging. I'm decent enough at the drums that strangers compliment me in various situations, I'm alright enough at "having an eye" for photography that professional photographers encourage me to upgrade my equipment to start making money, I'm okay enough at writing to write my first review and have it published in a magazine, I have enough charisma to have someone claim that I had a cult following through my high school, and I have a sense of music that (disregard this, Dave) is good enough to revamp the musical tastes of fifteen people. Whether or not any of these things are actually reality is debatable, however the point I'm stressing is that I'm not great any of them. I need to become great at something and stick with it. I need to become so good at something that I won't have to worry about doing any of the other things, except for leisure.
