Today was a day of serious self-learning.
The most basic thing I have learned is that my blogs do not have that common artistic vagueness to them (which generally helps the overall flow) but rather I tend to be overly specific. This would work, if perhaps I were writing a novel that was to be a few hundred pages in length. Instead, my short paragraphs tend to wend through some very specific ideas but leave out others. I do not think this is a coincidence but more precisely a representation of self; my personality tends to overcompensate for some of my rants by completely disregarding other things of possible equal importance. For instance, today I didn't feel all that great so I felt the need to take my temperature twice, overdose on vitamin c, and avoid milk, yet I decided it was a good idea to go to the gym. Sigh.
I also learned today about time. I reflect so much upon my past because, even though much of it was spent alone or confined (thanks, irrational fear of the outside world), I enjoyed it the most because I had no sense of time. As soon it became evident to me that things would not stay as the currently were for all that long and that the world that surrounded me would no longer surround me, but rather, just exist. This theme... existence. We all exist, but how many of us live? I don't believe that I realize that I lived through all of these experiences until much after they occurred. Yet, looking back, I know at the time that my feelings on the subject weren't certainly as deserving of the nostalgia they're currently receiving. Does this mean that my memory makes things out to be better than they actually were, or was I just too caught up in the abstract space that is present life? To stop and think that the moment in which you stopped to think will never occur again and yet it was the most present thing to occur in your life may sound silly to some, but truly astonishes me.
Perhaps it isn't until the removed piece of your normal life has been restored that you realize how much that absence shaped you. Now that things are back to the way they were before, that ever so slight difference longs to return.
